Jokes Frequently Search Results

News: Temporarily Disable Android Lockscreens with DelayedLock App

For those who need security on their Android devices, the standard swipe lock screen just isn't enough, so it's necessary to install applications like GOTO and WidgetLocker to enable either pattern, password or PIN protection. This protection is great overall, but when you're frequently using your smartphone, having to keep unlocking the lock screen becomes quite an annoyance. You could be in a heated text conversation, following directions on a map or compulsively checking the news feed on F...

News: Water, Chocolate and, Tequila Shortage

Source: http://www.cracked.com/article_19048_6-important-things-you-didnt-know-were-running-out-of.htmlIf all news are absolutely true, then we are in deeper trouble than we previously thought. Read full articles by clicking on the link above. I know this is a bit late but the thought takes time to sink in and it makes me shudder at the thought.Source: http://holykaw.alltop.com/brace-yourselves-for-possible-chocolate-short

HowTo: Get Paid To Be a Total Lazy Ass

Eric Abrahamson, a professor at Columbia University, writes in to Forbes on how to be the Michelangelo of work shirking. The article is intended to help managers better understand their team's lack of productivity, but it also provides 10 simple tactics for all the lazy asses out there. Introducing exhibit A, June, a total lazy ass who lasted almost a decade in her job before being laid off:

News: The Internet as a Map

Probably one of the coolest things I have seen on the net. That crazy guy at xkcd have made a visual map representation of the internet based on user activity. Click on the picture for a a better look because this map is huge!

News: The Root Beer Hack Circle Caper

Okay, here we go. Here is the deal. Bam, Knoxville, Dunn, Steve-O, Party Boy, Jeff Tremaine, and myself are dressed in old man faces, but wearing tshirts that say "Beer is Good" and wearing diapers. (Substitute speedos for diapers if you want). We are gathered around Jack Nicholson's Walk of Fame star. The "Nicholson" is covered up by a taped "Ass" to make his star to say "Jack Ass". Because it is his star, it is only fair Jack Nicholson is with us too, also sporting the "Beer is Good" tshirt...

News: The $2,400 Video Card

For $2400 this thing might as well be covered in diamonds and friend chicken. Looking to blow a month or two of rent on something less responsible? Sure, rent might put a roof over your head but it never gave you 49.99 frames per second on Crysis.

News: $26 Buys a Mouthful of Her Breast Milk!

So, apparently in our modernistic approach for child rearing "authenticity", it turns out there is a market for human breast milk. However, for a mother seeking the best for her child, it is impossible to know whether artificial milk or unidentified breast milk is healthier. The FDA certainly does not have the time or funds to step in.

L4D2: The Riverbank and the Wedding Witch

The Passing takes place before Dark Carnival in L4D2, right after Dead Center. The chapter starts with random chatter between characters of part 1 and 2. You'll see either Francis or Zoey on the bridge, but they don't always say the same thing. Zoey! We miss your slow witted jokes! The game uses the aging Source engine, modified throughout the years with new effects to keep it current. Outdoor scenes look great but indoor scenes suffer.

News: Get Out of Farmville! Dr. Phil Treats an Addict

Facebook games have become a worldwide, web-wide addiction. Just take a look at all the tutorials on WonderHowTo alone. For most of us it's just fun and games (literally), but some have an addiction that merits the attention of the (perhaps officious) Dr. Phil. In a recent episode, Trends for 2010: The Good, the Bad, and the Ugly, Dr. Phil takes on a mother with a serious Farmville addiction.

How To: Change Your iPhone's Name with Just a Couple Clicks

Your iPhone's name matters more than you might think. It shows up when AirDropping files to other Apple devices, when keeping tabs on your devices' locations via Find My, and when syncing with your computer. While "Jake Peterson's iPhone" gets the job done, I'd rather give the phone I spend all my time with a proper name.

How To: There's Finally a Way to Disable Those Annoying Memoji Stickers in Messages on iPhone

There's a lot to love about iOS 13. Permanent Memoji stickers though? Not so much. Whether you love or hate these personalized icons, most of us can probably agree it's super annoying Apple doesn't let you disable them in the "Frequently Used" section of the Emoji keyboard. Every time you go to use an emoji, you have to see the stickers, whether you want to or not. That is, until now.

How To: iOS 13 Has Radically Improved Connecting to AirPods & Bluetooth Devices

Not long ago, connecting your iPhone to Bluetooth devices was a true pain in the neck. Control Center's AirPlay button made connecting to certain devices much easier, but it was with iOS 13 that Apple finally made connecting to wireless acceessories like AirPods, speakers, and keyboards so much better.

How To: Disable Google Doodle Animations in the Pixel's Search Bar

I want my Android device to run how I want, and I want it to be useful and positively contribute to my life. Recently, animations have started appearing on the Pixel's search bar when Google has a seasonal Doodle on their front page. It attracts my attention and distracts me from what I think is important. After several days of annoyance, I went on the hunt to turn these animations off.

News: Alexa Voice Control Coming to iPhones Soon

If you're anything like most iPhone users, then you've probably grown tired of Siri's antics by now. She frequently has trouble with even the most basic of questions, and severely lags behind Google Assistant with regards to usability. Unfortunately, Google Assistant for iPhones has been less than ideal.

News: Cancer Patient Beg-Off

Have someone shave all the hair on their head, but make sure to do it badly. Intentionally miss patches of hair on the eyebrows and head, and make sure to try to get some razorburn for that obviously-just-shaved look. You could also use an electric hair trimmer to leave a little bit of hair and make it even more obvious. Leave the hair on your arms or wherever else as if you forgot to shave it. The point is to be completely unconvincing.

News: Soba Noodle Champion Slurps 399 Bowls in 10 Minutes

Eat your heart out, Joey Chestnut. There's a new super-speed-eater in town, and she means business. 45-year-old Hatsuyo Sugawara downed an incredible number of 399 bowls of soba noodles in just ten minutes at the annual All-Japan Wanko Soba Eating Championship this past Sunday. The noodle queen calls herself a food fighter, and has been coined "the witch".

News: NASA to Bomb the Moon (For Real)

No joke. This is not an Onion headline. This coming Friday, October 9th, NASA is actually planning on bombing the moon in search for water. The missile, a Centaur rocket, will blast off from Cape Canaveral, Florida, aiming at the moon's South Pole. Scientists will then analyze the debris from the explosion for traces of water ice or vapor.

News: Train a cat like Pavlov's dog

Obsessive Compulsive Disorder can be really good. Jack Nicholson was appealingly disturbed in As Good as it Gets. I bought a script about an intriguing OCD detective named Monk. His OCD made him magnetic and brilliant. Well, this next tutorial takes the cake. HowTo teach your cat to use a light switch.

News: Make a wallet out of tape

Happy new year. But I am not that happy. I am feeling kind of blue. A holiday post partum. I just ate a great deal of food, and I am feeling lazy. It is cold outside. Nothing much on TV. I am waiting for the big playoff games. What can I do right now. My moment. Right now.

How To: Use the control panel with InDesign CS3

This video shows you how to use the new context-sensitive control panel in InDesign to access frequently-used editing features without opening additional panels. You learn how control panel options adapt to the type of object you select, such as an image, text, or table. Check out this video created by Adam Pratt now! Use the control panel with InDesign CS3.

How To: Add a Non-Stick Surface to a Cast Iron Skillet

Many cooks refer to well-seasoned cast iron skillets as the original non-stick pan. A cast iron skillet is a versatile piece of cookware, going from the top of the stove to the oven with ease, provided the handle is also cast iron. The secret to a non-stick skillet is in the seasoning and cleaning process. Improper seasoning, cooking acidic foods and incorrect cleaning methods can all remove the non-stick capabilities. Achieving and maintaining a non-stick cooking surface is uncomplicated and...

How To: Fish a swimbait lure to catch quality bass

If you're targeting big bass during the summertime, the best bait to use is a swimbait lure. You may know that they don't give you tons of bites, but in this case, quality is the key. The best bass you'll eve catch will come off this swimbait lure. This is why swimbaits are favorites with anglers who have the confidence to continue casting them in search of lunkers. Wade Bourne of MyOutdoorTV shows you how to fish a swimbait lure.